Urrgh. Crazy. Idiot. Lame. Sad. Shoot. Kill. Die. Hate. Stop. Change. Damn. Haiz.
The reason why i put this at my msn pm is to remind myself.
These words just make me want to put them up as it expressed how i feel when i wrote them.
Dont ask me why i feel this way, fer some reason, you dont have to know.
Im like being enclosed in a small room and the room is squeezing me tight.
Although i push the walls with all my strength and energy,
It will soon be dried off till i hafta give up.
But no, i will not let my weakness take over me.
I will be angry to myself. Why didnt i try hard enough?
Or maybe its not me or my weakness.
I tried my best and thats what is important.
But will it all be worth it in the end?
Will i get what i want? Do wishes even come true?
It feels like fairytales are fake. Love in them are just not the reality.
So what if they live happily ever after? Is that really the end of story?
I hate myself fer feeling this way.
Can what i hear be the truth. I dont think so.
I cant explain why im behaving this way.
I wish there's an explanation fer it.
I wish that there's a smile that we can always put on every day.
Let all the other expression fade away.
Let happiness conquer the world.
Urrgh, i feel angry to myself.
I feel like im a crazy, idiotic person.
Im being very lame.
I feel sad.
I feel like shooting myself, and kill who i am.
Let me die so that it will all end.
I hate being this way.
I must stop and change myself.
Damn, but its really hard.
Haiz. :(
Learn from your mistakes.
Never to repeat them.
Even if others are there fer you, be glad.
But there will always be a time when you stop and realise.
What is life, what is the purpose of us being here now.
We were given the chance to live again from our previous life.
Are we doing enough to really make use of the chance.
Did we try our own best to achieve what we want.
Isit all worth it in the end?
I want the truth. Just say the truth.
Stop the walls from squeezing me.
It hurts me alot. Tears will run down with their own legs.
Like how the spoon ran off with the plate.
And how the cow jump over the moon.
Stop my mind from thinking of the negatives.
Think of the positive. But i will always think of the negatives.
If IT is all that i needed, will it be there fer me always like i want it to be?
Do fairytales come true in reality?
No matter what, i will know what i truly feel about it.
I wouldnt wanna let it go. Never would i.
But unless i have to, in the name of love, would i have to do it.
Get this feeling off from myself.
Help me. I feel like im stranded in an island, alone.
I will miss everything that is left at home.
Let me fight this wall.
Let me get the walls down.
Let me run over it so that i can be happy and free.
Do not let this feeling take over me like how i think everyone would feel the same, once at least in your life.
Let the truth be enough to let the feeling go.
Let this moment be over soon.
I pray that the walls will break although its thick and hard.
Where are you when i need you;
But i know who i am.
I know who i am to it.
So thats why the walls are coming up to me.
Maybe thats why.
Let me cry my eyes out.
Hoping all this will fade away and come to an end.
Isit possible?
Kittie Perry, ♥
